Women and ADHD: The Hidden Struggle Behind ‘Holding It All Together’
Have you ever felt like you’re constantly juggling too much - yet somehow always falling behind? Maybe you’ve been told you’re ‘scatterbrained’, ‘disorganized’, or ‘too emotional’. For many women, these experiences have a hidden explanation that sometimes only comes into focus later in life: Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD).
Understanding ADHD in Women
ADHD is often associated with restless young boys who can’t sit still - the stereotype we grew up with. But that image leaves out a large part of the story. In women, ADHD often looks different. It’s quieter, more internal, and therefore more likely to be missed or misunderstood. Instead of obvious hyperactivity, women may experience:
- Chronic forgetfulness or difficulty staying organized.
- Trouble concentrating, especially on repetitive or boring tasks.
- Feeling ‘mentally overloaded’ or easily distracted.
- Perfectionism and self-criticism.
- Emotional sensitivity and exhaustion from constantly trying to keep up.
Many women with ADHD appear outwardly capable - they’ve learned to compensate by working harder, planning obsessively, or people-pleasing. But underneath, they may feel anxious, scattered, and perpetually behind.
Why ADHD Often Goes Unnoticed in Women
For decades, most ADHD research focused on boys, shaping how doctors and teachers recognized symptoms. As a result, girls were often overlooked, especially those who weren’t disruptive in class.
Instead of ‘acting out’, girls may daydream, struggle quietly with focus, or internalize their frustration. They grow up believing their difficulties are personal flaws rather than signs of neurodevelopmental differences. By adulthood, many women have developed coping strategies to mask their challenges, such as:
- Over-preparing for every meeting or social situation.
- Using lists, alarms, and planners to stay afloat.
- Working twice as hard to meet deadlines.
- Hiding their disorganization or exhaustion from others.
Masking may help in the short term but often leads to distress and mental health issues - burnout, anxiety, or low self-esteem - especially when life becomes more complex with careers, families, and responsibilities.
Emotional Impact and Self-Perception
Many women describe a lifelong sense of not quite measuring up. They might feel inconsistent - highly productive one day and completely scattered and drained the next. They may be highly sensitive to criticism or rejection, feeling easily overwhelmed, finding it hard to regulate emotions.
Because ADHD can make it difficult to manage time, maintain focus, and organize daily tasks, women often experience guilt or shame - believing they’re simply ‘lazy’ or ‘careless’. Understanding ADHD reframes these struggles: it’s not a lack of effort or lack in character, not laziness, but a difference in how the brain works - how the ADHD brain manages attention and energy.
The Overlap Between ADHD and Autism
Some women live with both ADHD and Autism, a combination often referred to as AuDHD. The two conditions can overlap - and sometimes blur together.
For example:
- Both can involve sensory sensitivities.
- Both may cause social fatigue and a need for downtime.
- Both can include deep focus on special interests or ‘hyperfixations’.
Women with both ADHD and autism often describe a unique mix of creativity, empathy, and insight - alongside challenges with organization, overstimulation, and self-doubt. Recognizing these patterns can be life-changing, helping women understand why they think and feel the way they do - and how to support themselves more compassionately.
Support for Adult ADHD
If you suspect you might have ADHD, know that you’re not alone - and that it’s never too late to seek understanding. Assessment and diagnosis can provide clarity, which can be done by e.g. a psychologist or psychiatrist familiar with adult ADHD, especially in women.
Support may include:
- Therapy to address self-esteem, anxiety, and emotional overwhelm & emotional regulation
- Coaching or skills support for organization, focus, and time management.
- Medication, where appropriate, to help regulate attention and energy.
- Self-education through books, podcasts, and online communities that affirm neurodiversity.
An important step is awareness - understanding your own brain and giving yourself permission to stop comparing your journey to others’.
You Are Not Broken - You’re wired differently
Living with ADHD isn’t about being less capable - it’s about thinking differently. Once women understand their brain’s unique wiring, they can stop fighting themselves and start building a life that suits them. Many women with ADHD are highly creative, intuitive, and empathetic. You don’t have to hold it all together perfectly - you just have to learn what works best for you.
About How I Can Help
As a humanistic counsellor, I offer a warm, non-judgmental space for neurodiverse clients - including women exploring life with ADHD, autism or both. Many of my clients come to therapy seeking to understand themselves more deeply, reduce anxiety or overwhelm, and reconnect with their authentic selves. Together, we can explore what being neurodiverse means for you and find ways to create balance, self-acceptance, and confidence in your daily life.